You know the checkout line scenario: 3-year-old child wants this toy, this candy, this
something -- and she wants it
nooooow! The crying
starts
, escalating into a full-blown tantrum.
In his new book,
The Ten Basic Principles of Good Parenting,
Laurence Steinberg, PhD, provides guidelines based on the top social
science research -- some 75 years of studies. Follow them, and you can
avert all sorts of
child behavior problems, he says.
After all, what is the goal when
you're dealing with children? To show who's boss? To instill fear? Or to
help the child develop into a decent, self-confident human being?
Good
parenting
helps foster empathy, honesty, self-reliance, self-control, kindness,
cooperation, and cheerfulness, says Steinberg. It also promotes
intellectual curiosity, motivation, and desire to achieve. It helps
protect children from developing
anxiety,
depression,
eating disorders, anti-social behavior, and alcohol and
drug abuse.
"Parenting is one of the most
researched areas in the entire field of social science," says Steinberg,
who is a distinguished professor of
psychology at Temple
University in Philadelphia. The scientific evidence for the principles he outlines "is very, very consistent," he tells WebMD.
Too many parents base their actions
on gut reaction. But some parents have better instincts than others,
Steinberg says. Children should never be hit -- not even a slap on a
toddler's bottom, he tells WebMD. "If your young child is headed into
danger, into traffic, you can grab him and hold him, but you should
under no circumstances hit him."
Ruby Natale PhD, PsyD, professor of clinical pediatrics at the University of Miami Medical School, couldn't agree more. She
offered
a few of her own insights. "Many people use the same tactics their own
parents used, and a lot of times that meant using really harsh
discipline," she tells WebMD.
A parent's relationship with his or
her child will be reflected in the child's actions -- including child
behavior problems, Natale explains. "If you don't have a good
relationship with your child, they're not going to listen to you. Think
how you relate to other adults. If you have a good relationship with
them, you tend to trust them more, listen to their opinions, and agree
with them. If it's someone we just don't like, we will ignore their
opinion."
Steinberg's 10 principles hold true for anyone who deals with children -- coach, teacher, babysitter, he says.
